Emotion Management... Ms. Tracey where are you when I need you...

I was ordered my senior year of high school to complete an anger management course in order to avoid being suspended for enciting a riot. (I didn't encite anything, the chick wanted to fight me and I stood up for myself in a firm and public manner that caused two lunchrooms to empty to see the goings on.) I knew before that I had an anger issue. It was a combination of genes, outside influence and victimization. I was a ralatively calm individual, but when I was highly irritated or became angry it was as though I blacked out. Found myself lashing out violently, and verbally bashing anyone in my path. I've cussed out friends, enemies, teachers and family. Very few people had ever called me on my shit.

The first was Mrs. Straker. She was my role model (she still is), I wanted to be her when I was 8 (still do). She took me in the hall and gave me the business about myself. Took the ruler to my hands like should have. but with her it was out of love, I saw tears in her eyes and i shaped the hell up!

Then there was Mrs. Walke. This was the first teacher that never gave me a second chance. I was a staright A student who got suspended once a quarter because I didn't act right. And she was quick to call home too.

Mrs. Morton was next, she was all of 4'11 but she was a giant in my eyes. Helped me find my writing bug. She forced me to do better. I failed so many paers and tests in her class it wasn't funny. Any other teacher would have passed students with flying colors with the stuff I'd written, but she knew it was a half ass job on my part and she failed me because of it. it forced me to write better, research more. It was great.

Mrs. Tilton, Mrs. Minadakis, Mrs. Dalton, Mrs. Land... they all did it...

Ms. Boldt (the former Mrs Lewis) was my favorite... Threw me into some lockers and gave me the business! Cussed me out for not living up to my "academic prowess" as she called it. She is one of the only teachers i see from time to time to update her on my life.

Ms. Tracey was my confidant, my counselor, my friend. She would call me on my backward thought processes, make me really think through my issues, helped me find the solution for me. i'd show up in her office unannounced, sit in a chair she had set up just for me, and sit through all of my classes talking with her tryng get my emotions in check. We'd walk through campus and discuss life, love and everything else that was on my mind. For two years she and I worked diligently to get me centered. And since the last time I saw her I've grown in many ways, but I think I got something twisted. I found myself unwilling to share my emotions so much, became jaded with emotional give and take, and decided to internalize my emotions and I've almost worked myself into a peptic ulcer. According to my doctor.

Ms. Tracey... I need you big time...