In a fog...

I haven't slept since like Saturday afternoon. In the past htree days I've had a total of about 6 hrs of sleep. 6 hrs. chopped into about 30-40 min increments. This sucks. I'm sleepy. I went to gym and got my work out on, (lol), in hopes it would tire me out enough to sleep. I biked 3.6 miles in 10 min. I'm a beast! Ok reality check... It felt good, heart rate stayed above 180 the whole time. Lifted a little bit and did a stretch and cool down and went home. But it didn't work. So listened to some gospel music. Have to admit it woke me up more. I heard some of my recent fav's. I cooked, I cleaned, but still no rest. So I'm tired as all this morning.

Then when I got here I find out the reports that were to be done yesterday in my absence were screwed up royally and it took five people to figure it out. Funny thing is it took five people trying to figure it out when had they looked at the instructions I left it was spelled out step by step with little room for error! But they figured it out after about an hour. Now I have to rewrite and print out sample reports for all my other reports because I'll be out for 3-4 days for surgery. This is retarded!

I found/figured out this weekend that I will never understand relationships. Friendship and romantic alike. I know how to be a friend, I know how to be a girlfriend. But when it comes time to be both, neither of us knows how to find the balance out. I've seen and been a victim of relationship where you focus so much on being in a relationship you forget how to just be friends, forget how to listen and be there. This creeps up in all relationships the challenge is to nip it in the bud before it gets to be an issue. I've had an emotional weekend. As you can see.

Marriage is a weird topic to speak about to married people. I've had convo's with my married friends and they just say stuff like " you just know", or "you just understand".... What does that mean? I say I'm ready to settle down. Have been for a while. But never found Mister Right. Now that I think I found him, they say stuff like "good luck"... WHAT!? I need a crash course in what to expect, I need to know how to act and react, they are no help. BUMS!!! I need help, not more headache!!! Breathe..... Relax Relate Release.....Numyo... Woosah....

I just put together press packets,7 of them to send out. Wish us luck on this.....