My time in Maryland...

"Everything That Glitters Is not Gold" the name of a new book by some guy in PG County Maryland. Walked into Borders {Cap Center} and the author was there signing his book and trying to get people to buy his book. I just thought he was a salesman, not the author and just kept it moving. I support new books, but not today I guess. Felt bad walking out but not bad enough to buy. I guess the title messed me up.
My newly single life got me messed up... I guess I'm jaded. Relationships glitter like platinum in the beginning but, the tin man shows up after the storm. I hate the fact that I'm jaded, but what can I do to save myself from a jaded forever? Not really a damn thing.

i spent sometime with one of my closest friends, and we had an interesting talk. made me realize alot about my situation and hers. I love that chick like blood. Cause we think along the same lines a lot of the time. We share similar experiences, and can laugh and cry about it in our own time. i just wish I had her courage....

My uncle whom I love to death, told me to keep it moving. Don't let what happened hold me back. Take my time, enjoy myself! Above anyone in earth his opinion matters the most to me. Even more than my parents.

He never sugar coats, doesn't tell you what you want to hear, gives it to you straight. and sometimes that shit burns like a shot of vodka, but he's being real, and I love that about him. Any man I'm with has to go through him, and if he don't like you, aint a real likelihood we'll stay together. it is what it is. Those are the rules.

Been here in Maryland since Friday, taking care of some personal biz. Gotta come back in like two weeks. I like it here, nice place to settle down, raise the kids. If I ever get the chance.

One of my aunts told me that I have to let the man I love go, in order for him to see me without him and for him to miss me in that way. And for me to stop using the word "only" in reference to him. Said i have to leave room for someone else, its making it hard for someone else to measure up to him. I understand. but I dont quite agree. I wonder what it will take for him to want me, to need me?

I sit here bored to death, the projection TV burned out right before I came, just in thought. Trying to figure out what to do next. Where to go next. And when I think like this i find myself sitting still, no movement. Just hoping it will come to me.

Move on? What the hell does that really mean? I cant sleep around for comfort, cant be in pseudo relationships, I want to meet people, but not necessarily date anyone... I'm a mess.

What to do, what to do....IONT EVEN KNOW....