Thoughts....

Um... how to start this..... ok lets jump right in....

I've come once again, through a lot of confusion and pain, to the realization that I really don't have any friends. I few aquaintences, people I exchange cordialities with, people that have weaved themselves in and out of my life, more out than in, and people who believe themselves friends but really aren't.

Why else would my group of friends hide crap from me, then say it was for my own protection? That cover up shit was crazy!!!! My ex has a kid, and all of our mutual friends decided not to tell me. I could understand him feeling ackward about telling me, but the rest of them decided that it would be too devastating for me to know. That I must still be fragile over the situation between he and I. It just blew my mind. Cause these are people who have known me for more than 10yrs. and the fact that they all thought it is nuts to me. I have never given them any indication that I would even attempt to act like that. Most of what they know about our relationship is from what they've seen and the few people we may have confided in, and if I remember correctly our confidants weren't even apart of that group. So for them to bend their minds into my emotional state, is ridiculous. So the last 10+ years were a waste cause none of them know me at all. As much as that hurts I can't really be too mad. Just disappointed as hell!!! So the list of people who are supposed to be invited to my wedding, my baby showers and funeral just got shorter. Sounds mean but why would I want people who dont really know me at any of these events? it would be like me inviting my friend's sister's boyfriends cousin just cause I met him once.

I have also realized that I'm done giving advice. I give it when peolpe ask for it, then they go do their own shit, get hurt and turn around and ask why didnt I stop them. I want to scream "I told you that shit along time ago you numb nut but you decided to do yourt own shit stupid!!! Way to go you idiot!!!" So I'm Done! find your own whipping post I aint it no more. Tired of the crying, phone calls in the middle of the night and all of the stress I get from worrying. I tell them read their horoscope and call it a day!