Connections...

i find myself connecting to people on different levels... from small events or commanilities we share... such as music, books, a chance meeting at an open mic night, the pantry at work... I've met a lot of my friends this way. We have something in common and we become friends. Bounce ideas off of each other, hang out together... Funny thing is I was looking at this and realized that a lot of the people I called friends were just people I hung out with occasionally. A lot of them were not connected to me emotionally... Like you hear people say i love this person or I love that person... Me I found myself saying I care about so and so, no love there... the peolpe that I love know it, no questions. The people I care about just assume that the way they feel about me is reciprocated.

I decided, as I wrote before, to be emotionally honest from now on. I have a habit of holding it all inside. caring for everyone, letting them hurt my feelings, allowing them to walk all over me because of my kindness. I chose/choose to change all of that. I will be honest with people if I'm hurt. I will say what I feel when I feel it. That's the way its going to be.

I find myself drifting in my lonely times, thinking of what it should be like, could be like would be like, when I fall in love for real. the only word that comes to mind is BEAUTIFUL!!! Gotta believe I will have it.

I'm going to write down what I want for my life, and write down what I want in a mate. Get rid of all the fairytale-like wants and get down to the nitty gritty. be affirmative in my wants and needs. take the physical out of the equation. While I know what type of man I'm used to dating physically, and the type of man I like to look at, maybe my Divine Mate isn't either of these. And I also have to realize that because I am ready for a divine union, my divine mate may not be. He is preparing himself for me, and I must do the same for him.


Don't worry I will share the lists...