Love Eludes Me....

I thought I had this love thing figured out. Thought I'd given my all and all to it and to them... Been having the weirdest dreams and revelations lately... It's almost scary...

All the men I've ever loved have come to speak to me in my dreams... We talk, we cry, we apologize for not knowing better, all is forgiven and we part ways, and I wake up... I dont know what to think of them. I thought it was a prompt for me to aplogize to them, all of them for not knowing how to love them better and to be better for them.... But I thought I had done that to a point. I've only broken up with one person without explanation. That was because he was in a compromising position with another female and instead of him explaining himself, he laughed, and I walked away. Never spoke to him about it what really happened, I just knew I wouldn't like the answer...

I've apologized for my wrongs, I've prayed for strength in love, I've sought understanding, innerstanding and overstanding in love... but I'm still here searching for love again... Well I'm not actively searching, I'm kinda on auto-pilot, if it happens it happens at this point... if it doesn't it wasn't meant to be...

Decided no more cookie sharing allowed either, I need more then that now... I'm looking for love in it's fullness... mind, body, and spirit....




Mister,

How do a free-spirit and a strategist stay together? They dont. I stood on the top of the hill waiting to find a way to rally my heart,mind and body for our WWIII, but when I needed my General, you were caught in the middle of a hostle take over called DNA. I knew I couldn't win against a formittable foe, DNA made it clear "I will not lose"... I wanted you to pledge alligence to me, but I couldn't force you to. So I tried to strategize on the best way to win a place back in your life, but found I had another battle raging inside me, and one more war to fight... The Whatever File... then another opposer appeared the day I had rallied the troops inside myself, and I had to concede defeat... There is no way the battle could have been won, no way I could fight them all, all by myself... So I'll shrink back to my hill, wtching life pass me by, wondering if I brought this on myself, or were the odds against me from the beginning. How did so many battles arise? Where did you, my General go? Were you watching to see if i could with stand the battle, and hope I came out on the other side? Sometimes I feel you did, like you were testing my strength. But I'm not strong enough to fight the wars alone, I needed you to stand toe to toe with them to help me. Oblivious,you were not,to the dissention of the allies. What was the strategy used when you swept them under the Whatever File?