The answer is in the same room you asked the question in....

Sure was... Yesterday I had a SERIOUS mood swing... Like bungi jumping but no snap back up... it was sudden and very disturbing... Felt like I didn't want to blow up on somebody, like I could really break on somebody....I felt myself getting really uneasy in my skin and felt like I needed to retreat... So I left work early, and went home to think about some stuff... Found the answers were in my room the whole time...

For the last couple weeks been feeling like I'm missing something... my MOJO was missing in action... that thing that sets me apart... my skills in the art of Mackin are lackin... but as I said to J yesterday maybe its a sign of growth... No more chasing, no more playing games, no more pimping... I'm losing my PSBP card as I get older.... (pimpin since been pimpin)... AWE MAN! I've never been the dating type.... "Hi my name is __________ and I'm a serial monogamist"...
That's where I live, I have these all out relationships, loving and livin, then they fall apart and i move into the next one... I space my relationships out, go through healing and such, then I attempt to move on...

But I'm healing now, been for a while, taking the steps to be better for the next, but nobody to be better for... I'm going to be 25 in about three weeks... That in itself is a rough revelation, but again Valentines Day and My B-Day are going to be spent alone... I should be used to it by now but I'm not... I had a Valantine last year for the first time in like three years... This year, this pivotal year in my life, I should have one too, but I don't.

My mom is giving up hope in me finding someone. I hear it in her voice when the topic comes up. She used to make it seem like I had forever to be with someone and build a life. But the older I get the less she says that. It's a question of why I'm not seeing anyone and have I thought about being with someone. Not so good to hear from your momma... She married young and started a life with kids very early... she didn't want that for me, and she used threats and reverse psychology to keep me from doing so... I've surpassed her in that... 25, no husband, no kids, a decent job, my own spot, bills are going down and I'm going to start school soon... and she pointed out all this togetherness I have going for myself but who will I share it with? She says she's not ready for grandkids though, but my gramma wants me knocked up soon... That old lady (no disrespect toward her, this is actually what I call her to her face "Look here Old Lady"... she tells me she's not old and the convo continues) told me that I should've been knocked up by now... that old lady is crazy!

Got me thinking though... Why am I not out sowing my wild oats (aint nothing wild about me believe me, a few tattoos and a piercing or two doesn't make me wild)? I'm more reserved than people take me for... Maybe I'm too grown for the chase... Or that's not where I'll find "Him"... Don't know where else to look... Maybe I've found him and just don't know it yet?