Matriarchal Pleadings...

Wanted to say I love you and mean it
I may have said it once to you
Only because you said it first
And I felt obliged to agree
But I was waiting for my heart to really feel it
Before I said it to again
Without it falling out of mouth by force

I know you’ve had your own battles with love
I see the scars when you look at me
Wonder sometimes why they haven’t healed yet?
Or why you haven’t allowed them to?
Love is real, and it can heal all wounds
But the love you search for, you claim doesn’t exist
Even when you see it before your eyes
You are surrounded by it in your church
Your son and I are examples of unconditional love
How do you claim to be filled with the Spirit
And still refuse to recognize the light?
Still refuse to change?

I prayed for you last night
Asked that you find that peace you yearn for
All the voids in you be filled
All the pain be released
That you cry because you have to
That you become so filled by Him
All your ways those are not of Him
Make you so uncomfortable
You have no choice but to change

I wanted you to accept me
For who I am
All of my idiosyncracies
And my body art, my speech
I thought you had
But when the bump in the road came to your attention
You turned on me
Called me out of my name
Placed your pain on me as if I had harmed you
Wished you had never met me
And still I prayed for you
I still pray for you

I want to be able to hug you one day knowing
I’m hugging you, a healed woman of God
Hugging you with my whole being
Knowing you are hugging me back
With the same feeling

Maybe that day will come
Maybe it won’t
But I pray that it does
Despite what you think
I do like you as a person
Or at least what I knew of you before
I am willing to try to work on a relationship with you
If you are willing to
Still hoping that day comes
Wish it were yesterday
But tomorrow will suffice

We’ve all been hurt
Choice is whether to stay in that place
Or use it as a catalyst to find better, do better, be better
In my life
Better is the only goal
And I’d like to take my entire family there too…
And I wish you there
Smiling and laughing with the rest of us
I’ll even hold your hand on the journey
Pray with you when you aren’t strong enough to
Cry your tears for you
Be there as family should
I’ll love you


If you’ll let me…