my truth... my new pressure...

My mothers birthday was this week. I called her every few hours as I always do, keeping her in the b-day mood...

One of our last convo's she mentioned my b-day. Then she said "Well you almost werent here" to which I said " Yes I know the story" ( I was way too small to be born on my due date, so I got held up for almost two weeks, until I gained enough weight) She says " No that's not the whole story." She then explained that it was a really rough time in her life. She was a young mother and wife all by the age of 21, and then she got pregnant with me and it mad a hard situation harder. And she almost ended her pregnancy with me. But every time she tried to go through with it, she couldn't. She said it was against her morals to even go that route, so she would have never been able to do it.

I sat in my cubicle stunned. That was the first time I'd ever heard that part. And I felt an overwhelming pressure released from her, but aquired by me. I am here for a reason bigger than her, bigger than me. Just my duty to fulfill it, but I have to find it first. I mean I know, that although I'm content where I am, there is more out there for me to achieve. My dream is way bigger than being a Junior Credit Analyst, that is my job. My livlihood is breathing oxygen. My career is leading me to do what my heart desires.... writing! That's the move... and I'm finding that all roads are leading in the direction to make it happen....


I promise Mommy it wasn't in vain....