It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To gain some reciprocity
See, no one loves you more than me
And no one ever will...1

I'm tired of fighting my way through
tired of fighting to keep you...
you should want to stay...


To All of My Ex's Momma's That didn't like me...

I know you all didn't like me. I knew you couldn't figure out how or why your sons wanted me. I'm not especially gorgeous. I'm not the average girl. I wear heels when I have to, I wear skirts and dresses only when I have somewhere to go. I don't wear make-up, and I don't have relaxed hair. You all said I was too quiet, too reserved. And what ever other excuse you had to try to disparage your sons decisions to be with me.

But what you all missed was I had love. And to your sons that's what mattered. I wasn't who you saw your sons with, so you put the bug in their ears that something wasn't right or you out right sabotaged the realtionship. Now who was really hurt? He and I. You watch his hurt and say he'll be ok and prod him to move on. My hurt never plays a role except in my own life. You've stripped them away from me, and say it was for the best. The best for who? you? I have/had a vested interest in your sons and your families. Even still. I ask about you all and your families. I still care...

I used to want to blame you all for the lack of love in my life. Say your son may have been that one that moved me to matrimony. I used to say you all stole my chance at happiness. I carried years of resent and all out anger towards you. But recently I realized that holding on to the resent and anger is the reason why I haven't found happiness. So I forgave you in prayer. Prayed you'd find happiness in your own lives and that you come to accept whom ever your son chooses. No, it wont be me, have no fear. I still wish for them to be happy, even if it's not with me.

Sincerely,

Phoenix


1. Lauryn Hill "Ex-Factor"