WB... I thought you'd always outlive me... hoping you still will

As a child I was taught never to question God. Questioning Him meant you didn't believe that what He did/does is in your best interest. But I am human and when life comes at you who else can you question? Over the last year and change, I find the question on the cusp of my lips. I sometimes question myself as to why certain things happen, try to somehow see the bigger picture. But my mind skips sections, skips the necessaries, things that make it make sense. I want to sit with God and ask Him some questions about my life and about why He places people into my life only to snatch them away. My life used to feel like a cruel joke for a long time, at which point I stopped questioning. I didn't care for the answer, I just wanted an end to it all. But as my life got on track I found myself questioning when bad things happen.

There are people places and things you think will always be with you. You never question whether you will have them, you just know you will. But when you see them slipping away or lose them before you can save them you stand there with your jaw on the floor, no movement. then the guilt of "shoulda woulda coulda" haunts you.

I would make it right if I could, I'd take away the pain and the heart ache, I'd bare your burden for you, I swear I would... I can't see you like this, it hurts me too much... You're gonna outlive me, and not as a memory... I love you for more reasons than you know...