Just some thoughts...

Spent the weekend quelling my music jones... got a lot of old scool joints and some newer favs. My Ipod is at 2102 songs... saddest part I can recite the lyrics, or at least the hooks, to 98% of them... do I really know that many songs?

Monday came too fast for me. I wish it were a long weekend. I actually started to feel alot better, the hacking and spitting is at a minimum. Spent Saturday in the bed. My body is stretching in many places and it hurts in some spots and its just uncomfortable in others.

In recent years I realized that everyone has their own ish to deal with. may not be out in open, but its there. many times its and internal battle that reeks havoc on them daily, but we'd never know it. In the past I always felt like I was the only one going through something all the time. It always seemed just as I tooka step forward I get thrown and have to take ten steps back. Without fail the worst always happened. I kinda just chucked it to God teaching me something, but the issue was i wasn't adhering to the lesson being taught, so He'd do it again and again until I got it. So i would analyze my situation see what it was i was missing. Take the time to really pay attention to the steps taken and not taken. I realized alot of it was my fault. I make rash decisions at times. I don't think things through enough, I just glance over what it is I see as the major issues, rather than looking at the whole picture. So I'm a whole picture kinda person now. I take in everything. I check myself and check other people, I watch body language more, I listen to the remarks that others allow to roll off of their shoulders. I'm not interested in only what is said, I need all five senses working to help me dicifer the real intent of everything and everyone.

Like there's this chick here at work, we were friendly up until three weeks ago when she got uptight about something and accused me of doing something I didn't. I politely wrote a note explaining what had actually happened. but she is too stubborn to either acknowledge that I didn't do what she thought or she just needed to have beef with yet another person. Both have been true for her in the past. People rarely change their MO if they've never been challenged to. So I say nothing. pass everything through her boss. I don't need anymore drama in my life right now. Normally I would have stressed about this and tried to amend it by having a talk with her. But at this point, I see no need. I can't be pulled into other people's need for constant drama. I don't need that in my life. So I wished her well and kept it moving.

Timing is everything they say. That I must say is true. You can think you need or want something, if the timing is off, it wont work in your favor. Having it will be more burdensome than having the need or the want for it. Sometimes you just need things to flow, no interruption, side stepping, skipping, just go the route it was meant to. Be open to the idea that the way you want it may not be the way it needs to be. Sometomes you just have to allow yourself to be lead in the right direction without thinking you have to know the direction from the first step.

Sometimes being by yourself isn't as bad as you think. think of it as an incubation period of sorts. You are growing you, without someone to throw you off. You relearn you, get back to the root of you. I preferred it at times, but my want for affection sometimes clouded the point of my aloneness. But i learned quickly who I really was, got hip to the game. I learned that I was much stronger than I thought. I was much more desireable to others when I was alone. I was much more desirable to myself.


This was just some thoughts for my peeps... its what I would say if we were on the phone, I would have made you laugh a lil though, can't be too serious all the time... luv ya