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Friday, January 12, 2007

been here, there and everywhere...

Current mood: contemplative

Since I last wrote I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions and states of well being... I lost a dear family member on New Years Day, been sick as a dog for the last couple days, got in trouble at work for following instructions (sounds stupid I know, but it's true), found out last week a friend of mine had a brain hemorhage (she's my age) and is in an medically induced coma...

I'm going through it right now... and the ride doesn't show signs of letting up...

But I'm maintaining... as best I can. I should just allow myself to cry, but I can't right now. Even at my auntie's funeral, I didn't cry, at least not the way I wanted to. My emotions got all jumbled and I didn't know which way I should or shouldn't react. So I shed a few tears silently. but I wanted to cry a river... I have to learn how to not be so damn stoic all the time. The thing is, I really don't mean to be, or even need to be. I just am. but with my child a few weeks away from making an appearance, I should be more open to the emotions I feel. I'm working on me...


Currently listening : Kingdom ComeBy Jay-Z
Release date: By 21 November, 2006