Break-up's to Make-up's... sorta kinda in a way maybe

When you have a amicable break up is it ever ok to flirt with that person? Is it ever ok to go back and chill with someone? Is it ever ok to just be friends? I'm finding it harder and harder these days. Hard to deal with the attitude ajustments, the lack of communication, the shut-down mode, the separation of bills, the lack of consideration of each persons situation.

I dont know how else to be but friendly... But am I fooling myself/have I been fooling myself? I think so... that shit hurts... to know that when the relationship ends, the friendship may not be far behind. Oh you might have a person that you were once with, but you admire from afar now. No up close and personal. No confiding, no anything any more. I feel like crying right now, actually I'm trying really hard not to. But the lump in my throat has appeared. Damn it. Emotional connections never really disappear for me, I cant just walk away and feel nothing. Why cant I be more like the other chicks out there? They just walk away and keep it moving. Me, I want to stay friends, be cool. And stay getting hurt that way.

I was talking to a friend and he was telling me that he wishes to be emotionally connected to someone. He wants to have one special person in his life. He's tired of screwing this one, and gaming this one. He was sincerely hurt by a female he had vested feelings for, but she left him for her ex and he was distrought. I wanted to give him a dose of reality, and say karma is a bitch. But I couldn't, I let him vent, I let him bash women (only for a min), he was truly hurt. See had a a really nice, respectable girl, someone who loved him; and he left her higha nd dry and said life goes on. now he's feeling the same kinda pain.

See Karma and I have our signals crossed somehow. I've done right by every man I have ever been with. A few tifts here and there, and some communication issues as men an women have, but Karma isn't trying to hear me right now. I do good, bad happens to me. I do right, somebodys does me wrong. I'm honest, repaid with dishonesty. Karma and I aren't friends, and I'm starting to believe we never will be.

I've come to the realization, I may never find someone. I have an ideal, I have standards that I'm not backing down from. that isnt wrong. i know what i need and want. Problem is no one willing to be or do those things consistantly...

I also realized that I have never been loved the right way. Thought I knew what it looked like, what it did, how it acted, how it felt. But I was all wrong from jump. I learned that I love deep, sometimes too much so that i get hurt. I learned that I may never get the love I yearn. And that hurts the worst.