three stages...

I searched for a light in the dark
only found people willing to give me candles in a windy tunnel
I was searching for the light in me
but my pain wouldn't let it shine to show me the way
I've been fighting myself to find understanding
found myself underestimating, underachieveing, underdeveloped
under stress, doing under-handed things, searching for the underlying meaning,
undermining myself and others, undervalued myself and my gifts, undoing the teaching, understating my pain...
And I'm here hurting again, aware of the lack of clarity in my life
I searched for a trace of soul in the world
found mine was dying inside
now I'm reaching inside for innerstanding
so I can live, bring life back to my soul
found the innermost me had yet to appear, innerdependant on self, the inner voice called out but my inner ear ignored the request, my mind an inner city project;
hussle and bussle but going no where,
found the inner lying meaning was my lack of trust of self and others, retreated to the inner sactum of myself to annul the risk of hurt
But I still search for a way to find myself
Keep starting at the end of a story and so confused by the beginning of the book
Sleep finds me only because I'm too exhausted to fight it
too exhausted to want more than what I've been given
too comfortable in my ignorance to want to move ahead
too used to not having the clarity, I like looking out of my clouded mind
too easy to run away and sit in my silent hell and cry
been used to the pain and hurt so long
a day without would be scary
I wouldn't know how to function
So I Prayed on it
and gave myself permission to let go of everything and everyone
to rely on Him for the overstanding
and i found my overcast skies cleared away
the light in me finally had a chance to shine
I had to overcome self, it was overdue
had to do and overhaul of me,
started under, inner and now overjoyed that i found the answer
had to over throw the anarchist in myself to find peace
had to overstep my own boundaries to realize my rightful place in life
over missing out in life, over taking the seat in the back to avoid being in the front
over swallowing pain, over crying about my broken heart, over hurting because I'm hurt, over being the me they think they know, over hiding myself from me
With understanding comes a need for innerstanding and I chose overstanding