Mother's Day...

I sent out all my mother's day cards today. Sent my mom a package. Hopefully her fast hands can wait until Sunday. I had to sign my brothers and sister's names to all the other family members cards. They conveniently forget every year.
My mom and I are in a good place and have been for a while. Probably because I left home, and was away. I had to leave for my own reasons, and I am cool with that. She sees me for who I am not who she wants me to be, and I love that. We had some rough years there, some real scream fests, but we are here now and I love it, and her even more.
Motherhood.... oh the prospect of that is mesmerizing to me. To be a mother means more than anything to me. But it comes with so much resposibility and it requires you to adapt and learn yourself and your child all at the same time. Causing you to curve, bend and stretch to be all you can be for your seed. I want to be a mother so bad tis crazy. Funny thing is I'd do it tomorrow. Start my family now. Whats even crazier is I'd be ok with it. Of course there is an ere of the unknown, but I think having that fear will equip me to be on my toes at all times.

I have asked a few significant other's this question..." If I asked you to get me pregnant, without giving a reason, would you do it?" Each one that I have asked has said yes. Whether it be to solidify the love we shared or to seem in tune, they all said yes. this never scared me I think it made me more bold. Like I knew if in the event it did happen they would be ok with it. Stick around, be a father and a dad to the child.

Am I afraid to be a mother? nah, I'm really not. I'm more afraid of repeating some of the behaviors of the past generations in my family. Making it really easy for my child to rebel and find their own way the hard way. I want them to grow and know the have the room necessary to do so. I want them to know that while I may have rules and that breaking them has consequences, there are times when they will be free to make their own decisions and deal the consequences they set for themselves.

I want my kids to smarter than me, to want more out of life than me, to be bolder, more chrasmatic, have unwaivering character, be creative in their way, to love the arts, to sing wrong notes, to fall and scrape their knees, to cry when something hurts or something is wrong, or just because they dont know what else to do and know it is ok to do it. I want them to find their own way and know they can always come home.

I feel there is a line that should never be crossed when raising children. You can never ever cross the line between discipline and abuse!!!!! Some parents have blurred vision of where this line is and don't realize it. And not necessarily on purpose. It's the generational curse. Spanking is cool to a point. Aa smack on the hand, a tap on the bottom as infants/toddlers; ok but remeber they are delicate. One or two quick smacks works. When you get to the repeated hits, you are getting to that abusive place. As they get older children don't need to be spanked so much. They need a stern word, a lesson to be learned from their actions. Throwing pot spoons, and shoes and phone books, just makes them afraid of you and afriad to be close to you in any regard.
I dont plan on spanking my kids they way my parents did me. I dont plan on yelling as much as they did either. But I know you learn by example and my example was what it was because of the example given to them. I know I will have to make a conscious effort to avoid them pitfalls of that kind of behavior. It is necessary and ideal that I show them this from early on.

Motherhood will be my greatest achievement in life. I could care less about accolades, money, prestige or possessions. If my children love me half as much as I love them, I accomplished it all!