My new favorite poem

Written By THEHOPEFUL
(excerpt)
... i tell myself say no youve done enough
dont do more
but i want you more and more every day
i cant even understand
i do whatever you say ask suggest
as though you are god
truth is i know whats best
not for me but for you
maybe for me in dealing with you
walking away going to this place i dont like
still have to for time beings call it home
not bitter
just been shitted on too many times til now
trying to clean myself
but dont know what to use to clean
myself my life needs more then soap
not funky
just f'd up
i tell you the truth while lying to you
am i wrong
in the end its all the truth
i just dont want you to know how i make my proof
so i sit by my phone
listening to my heartbeat
quickening as it rings
thinking its you
out of luck, again not you
and its past midnight
no one else takes phone calls
who's playing with my heart
no one besides myself
thinking id get what i want
after what ive done as i want
dont forgive myself
for getting my heartbroke
cause i dont understand how it kept getting broke
and here i am still without you
with you heartbroke
choking on feelings i hold back
cause i just dont want to lose you
by saying that
some things dont need to be said
love is more precious
than just getting something off my chest
wishing id move on
but i figure id move through this again
while do it again if i cannot do it now
and i look at lovers
wondering if itll be us
lovers arent lovers anymore
seems like bill payments
staying for the kids
maybe two crackheads using their heads
two is better than one
one is better than two when one hurts you
after all that happened
prayers could have been answered and me
i just didnt listen cause i wanted and didnt want to listen
what do you do when you're an ignorant fool
believing in something that is leaving
like dying saying ima be alive tomorrow
resting in my coffin not breathing
thinking to myself as i look down
i aint jesus
got everything he had though
family
foes
a belief
pain
maybe women that want to love me
but wanting to have what i feel i love
scared that i heard my father wrong
still doing what im asked to do cause i love him and you
so im trying to make both worlds better
mine and yours
mine is insignificant
it comes it goes
yours is everything to me
id love to be in it
would you let me in it
would you let me love you
theres nothing that i really can do
id tell you i love you over and over again
id help you til you knew you were
the woman youve always been
id give your children a home too
somewhere to come when they were scared
someone to talk to
someone they can cry on
someone that they could use to fight off fears
id fight for you
if i couldnt be, id fight for your husband too
id stand by his side saying i love her too
youd have to get through two instead of one this time
and anytime
id protect you as much as i can
im promising things i maybe cant do
but the thing is to me that this is what i really want to do
why i couldnt tell you and to be honest
im scared of you
my heart is controlled by you
movements by you
words spoken by you
questions from you comments from replies ive had for you
i wish i was around nine
id send you a letter saying
yes no maybe so
if so when where and how long
id write
little girl i stare at in my dreams
you are my world
i wait for recess
so i can watch you unlike the rest
id share whats in my lunch
if youd walk me outside
and back in
and when you leave class id meet you
by the coat rack
and say ill see you tomorrow
maybe one day my mom will let me call you
til then this is something i drew and wrote for you
open it when you get home on top 'ur eyes only'
but id hope youd tell your freinds so they wouldnt talk to me
and tell other boys not to mess with you cause
they'll have to mess with me
but who am i,
and how old am i
too old for that
way too old for that
but if itd work id take it back to that
me you everyday
make it known for everyone else waiting to get you on the phone
that my heart longs for you
that id do what it takes just to keep you
that if i had to id challenge every man
and say if you had to in this situation what would you do
to see if i or them were better for you
as though i am
just wishin, fishin through questions to find if i am
i just gotta have you!