Thinking a lil bit....

When I was about, say 12 years old, my mother gave my brothers and I a project to do. We had been asking questions about the lottery and how the whole thing worked. Grandfather was an avid player, so were many of our other family members. During that time it seemed every and anybody played lotto and won a lil something. A few dollars to millions. And there were so many cases of people winning the money and within a year, half of it was gone, spent frivolously. So my mother decided to have us write down how we would spend the money if we won. Her amount was 10 million dollars. We had a week to report to her on how we would spend the money. She told us to keep in mind tithes and offerings to church.

Both of my brothers picked stuff like big house witha pool, fancy cars, donate a million, and I think one of them wanted to buy the Chicago Bulls. I chose the house, one car, and invest some, put some away for the kids college funds, and just buy clothes and shoes, and travel.

My mother quckly shut us down. Said that the government takes 33% off top, then the state took their money (we were in Va at the time so that would have been 4.25%), and if you lived in the city take another 2%. After we saw all the money the government took, we realized there really wasnt much left, at least not to buy all the "things" we wanted. So we had to re-evaluate our lists, seriously.

I prayed when I was younger for God to let me win the lottery to prove that I would do something positive when I got it. I'd say "all I need is like 5 million (after taxes)" And I could make a difference... Haven't received it, then again I bought my first lotto ticket at 20 years old, maybe I missed it? Or maybe my struggle now is to prove I can do so much with so little? Or to prepare me to be money conscious because it's coming? Who knows, can't keep speculating too much. Makes for a nice fantasy between asleep and awake. But I can't live my life hoping it will come, I can live my life like I'm already rich, just lacking the "things" that come along with it.

I spent the weekend creating a budget for myself. I didn't know it would take all weekend... I alloted myself things for fun, poetry spots etc. And a lil bit for selfish reasons... But I think, I mean I know it will all work out... Diligence is key, here.... whether the 5 million comes or not...

I am rich, in spirit, in mind, in body. I've probably wriiten 5 million words, in poetry form or otherwise (like here on the blog), and each word has reached someone, even if that someone was me....


nExT----->

Journeyman,

Had a dream about you again
This time we were dancing
just not with each other
dancing past loves and maybe loves around each other
trying to get a reaction from one another
salsa, merengue, ba'chata
log-on, signal the plane, pon de river
Damn it, I'm tired of dancing
"Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth
pain is all you'll find
Should've known better
I feel so unsure
as I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
as the music dies, something in your eyes
calls to mind the silver screen
and all its sad good-byes
I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretendI know you're not a fool
Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste the chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you"1
That damn song's been playing in my head ever since...
Make it stop, scratch the record, pull the needle off
Gotta get you completely out of my system
or at least the love part
Need you out of my system and
to love from afar, again
cause when we love too close
you run away
and I cry thinking its my fault
but its not, I know that now
Love calls unto itself, I heard
What was it calling in you
Cause love didn't answer?
Still waiting here, hoping to hear it
causes me grief
letting go of you, of grief
No more pain felt because I'm nursing a broken heart...
thought about calling
but got rid of all my phones instead
maybe I'll ring you... when my heart heals
or some phone company is offering a rebate
the least they could do, if you never answer....


"Take a day to heal from the lies you've told yourself and the ones that have been told to you."
-Maya Angelou


Never forget your inherent capabilities, we were divine before recognition, strength before formed flesh and love before our eyes could respond to our sun. So keep faith, stay blessed and within the centre of our warm sunshine that is life...

1 George Michael "Careless Whisper"
yeah the joint from the 80's act like you don't know thw lyrics LMAO....