Been changing... my way of thinking, my way of action, just changing me...

All the things I should have told myself I'll share with you
maybe I was too young to know better
but no one told me the truth
would have saved five year old me alot of pain
but I'll impart my retrospect wisdom your way
Like gramma used to tell me
"Never sleep with shoes under the bed"
claimed it gave you nightmares
funny thing is my nightmares came all day long
in and out of the bed
and I rarely slept with shoes under the bed
I'll hold you till the nightmares go away promise
always told I was cute
didn't learn that I had to see me as beautiful first
until I had to face myself in the mirror
but I'll tell you everyday I swear
never wanted to give myself to anyone
I wanted to have all parts of me always
but I gave away pieces of myself
by accident, on purpose, sometimes unaware
had people staining the glass
stopped being able to see me
stopped the right one from seeing into me too
but I'll tell you hold on the every part of you
until the Worthy one makes himself known
and dont believe that shit about them all being worthy
Worthy One knows your/his worth and grows for having met you
Find a balance
learn when to run and when to walk
cry when necessary, but cry inside sometimes
sleep until you wake, stay awake until you sleep
dream, literally and figuratively
Some of this I'll have to learn...again
some of this I'll learn from you
we'll teach each other
We all we got...

Update I guess...

Nothing really new to report... I'm supposed to be moving this weekend, got approved for an apartment started packing and the building owner pulled an okey-doke. So this week i'm scrambling to find an apt, I have to be out of mine by Friday...

Um my cousins and I hung out Saturday night. I listened to my cousin, the future political scientist, give me conspiracy theories about what really happened 9/11. It was great to watch her be compassionate about the subject, but not everything she said was logical. So I played devils advocate, since i do it so well, and knocked down her theories with my comments. She started to get frustrated, but she kept coming with it, and so did I . If it were an arguement, I would have won. But I'm glad to see she really is doing something with her time in the boonies. We watched Love Jones and analyzed the characters and such, it was great.

My boss is pissed with me today, oh well. I was late this morning and she thought I just neglected to call in, but not my fault the other managers don't keep her in the loop. When I walked in the department had all gathered in her office which is diagonal from my cubicle. I saw the gathering, but since I had just walked in I settled myself in before joining the group. I stood outside the door, and she was giving her end of the month "We're *.** million off of the target..." Doesn't apply to me really I reached my target three weeks ago. So, I was bored. Then out of the blue a chick walks by with a bowl cut and a rat tail, I started to gigle silently yo myself, my boss sees me and after the meeting calls the other managers in and asks why was I laughing at her. Please I have no time to laugh at my boss and as my manager told me, he knew that if I wanted to laugh at her I would have laughed in her face. TRU TRU!!!

Um that's about it...

I HATE IT HERE.....

I hate corporate Amerikkka... with a passion. I can understna d why people go to jail dealing with this bullsit. The more and more I stay at my job, the more and more I can understand why people come into the office with loaded weapons. I hate coming here, I hate staying here all day, I hate the mundane work I do, I hate the fact that I'm thinking that I should just show up and do nothing all day, I hate that my efficientcy is seen as irritating, i hate that I don't get paid enough for thr work I do, I hate that there is no praise for meeting all targets and deadlinesand superceding those targets and deadlines month in and month out, I hate that the dribble of compensation/commission gets taken in taxes anyway so I don't miss it, I hate the coddling that occurs with tenured workers, I hate the scatch my back I'll scratch yours attitude these people have, I hate the blind eye to lack of intergrity, I hate the rules that are put in place for all to follow and the minute you adhere to the rules you aren't willing to bend, I hate that work gets escalated and then doesn't get done...

See right now I'm stuck... my plans to leave have been sidelined... I have more than one mouth to feed, and the benefits aren't half bad... ONLY STAYING UNTIL I CAN FIND BETTER!!!!!!!