Spanking your kids

Hitting Bottom: Why America should outlaw spanking.By Emily Bazelon http://www.slate.com/id/2158310/

Hey my personal feelings about spanking are two sided. For me spanking was a way of punishment as a child. I got my fair and unfair share of the belt, hand, slipper, and whatever was at hand. But I always said I wouldn't spank my children, at least until I got old enough to understand certain things about being a parent/caretaker. Some kids need it, some kids more than deserve it, but some only need a stern word or two and they will shape up. But if you have more than one child you can't just hit one and not the other. it has to be universal treatment...

I was a child that didn't need spanking, but I had to get what the others got. I hated being yelled at, being talked to sternly, made me cry. My mother's evil eye struck fear in my heart.

But spanking is in some cases a necessary evil... I'm not a fan of yelling, screaming, or arguing, nor am I one that strikes children... so this should be interesting when my child gets to the age of needing discipline... pray for me...

Wet Pants...

WET PANTS Come with me to a third grade classroom....


There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives. The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered. As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap. The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up round his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, theridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someoneelse - Susie. She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. "You've done enough, you klutz!"Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers,"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Susie whispeers back, "I wet my pants once too."

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.

Remember.....Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.Each and everyone one of us are going through tough timesright now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.

TLC...

Last night I started watching a show on TLC.
TLC I Eat 33,000 Calories a Day
Four morbidly obese people struggle with their weight, their addiction to food and rapidly deteriorating health. Two men are bed ridden and require constant care. Two women are dangerously close to becoming housebound.

There was a guy on there that consumed over 14,000 calories a day... he did so by eating, 6 fried eggs, 6 pork sausages, ham 2 ham egg and cheese bagels, half a loaf of bread made french toast style, 6-8 steaks with potatoes, two servings of extra large fries, two servings of rice, half a loaf of bread or biscuits, two 10 oz. hamburgers, 2 large teas, two large Kool aid's, salad, a plate of broccolli, 6 pieces of fried chicken, there was more but I can't remember. He eats this on an EVERY day basis. He is home bound and doesn't leave his room un less he has to. His body has deteriorated so much so that he doesn't even use the bathroom on a regular basis. He says he doesn't feel the need to. That is crazy. Funny thing is I blame him and his family. They cook that ish for him everyday, and wonder why he is the way he is.

What are you entitled to?

That's a question my mother asked me years ago. Funny thing is everything I answered with she said "no, you aren't entited to that, you earned that right." Entitlement truly means a right given that can never be compromised, changed, or taken away.

Every morning I realize how many people don't understand this point. You are not entitled to bolck the train doorway, to bump into me, and roll your eyes when I push you back, to be mad at me because my baby bump takes up more space than your fat roll, to take up the pole so you can lean against it and read your newspaper and then not close it so people can hold on and not be made to fall when the train jerks...

It has been a frustrating coupole weeks on the train. I feel like fighting everytime I get on the train. People are so inconsiderate to others, but expect (and feel entitled to) that respect from those same people.

I never felt to entitled to anything. I was always taught you earn what you have, you have the power to make sure you don't lose it but you can at any moment. There are things that I own, that other people have possession of right now. Am I entitled to getting my things back, maybe, but not really. They can keep it, most times I let them. Because i'm secure in the fact that I had pleasure from it for a moment, and now they are enjoying it just the same. no big loss, just a change of hands n my eyes.

I don't even feel people are entitled to love, in a sense. The only entitlement to love you should have is to self love... and we know more than enough people have yet to claim that. No outside person can take that away, unless you let them. It's innate and really is never lost; as in cannot be found again. It gets misplaced, forgotten, but it can always be reinstated.

Again, as I have said before, maybe I expect too much from people. I expect respect, consideration, and to be treated as human...

Did you know that the United States is one of only four countries without a national maternity leave policy? (The other's are Swaziland, Lesotho, PauPau New Guinea...go figure)

The US leaves all maternity leave policy to the individual businesses. Which means where you work determines how much time you get off. Most companies give new mom's 6-8wks of paid time off. But you only get 8wks if you deliver by c-section. And you are expected to call your job the day you give birth and report on what type of delivery you had so they can document and keep track of your time. a lot companies give you the choiceto start you leave on a designated day you choose or it starts the day you give birth. My company is one of these companies. I have to take 6wks and all ime after that is my personal time (vacation, personal days, sick time) or FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act of 1993).

Synopsis of Law
Covered employers must grant an eligible employee up to a total of 12 work weeks of unpaid leave during any 12-month period for one or more of the following reasons:
-for the birth and care of the newborn child of the employee;
-for placement with the employee of a son or daughter for adoption or foster care;
-to care for an immediate family member (spouse, child, or parent) with a serious health condition; or
-to take medical leave when the employee is unable to work because of a serious health condition.

It's a good law, guaranteeing your job will be there when you get back... but its unpaid leave... guess you have to take what you can get...

Personally I feel this is the most bizarre crap I have ever heard. How and why would it be ok to tell someone how long they can bond with their newborns? Parents have to entrust their children to either family members or to outside child care providers weeks before their child's immune system is prepared and or vaccinated. This country should be ashamed of themselves... A lot of the US's European counterparts give their employees one year of paid time off. There is one country that gives you at least four years off... Funny how other countries understand the importance of being with your child...

I wonder what would happen if the US decided to allow its employees that much time off? I think it would result in a better work force, or rather a more content work force. maybe if and when this country decides to go that route I'll start a temp business, catering to parents on leave and companies in need of temporary replacements...

Just my thoughts for the day

The season of delusion began last night ... American Idol was back in effect... I love it!!! There were so many delusions and just out right WTF moments I just cried laughing... There was a chick that sounded like Chubakka when she sang, it was too much to take in. Sensory overload I tell you...

I went to the Doctor this morning for my ultrasound... the baby weighs 4lbs and has turned into position already... I'm only at 32 weeks!!! So they don't think I'm going to make it to 40wks. They are shooting for around my b-day... wow... this news is shocking, but I'm glad all is well...

Blog entry from my myspace.com

Friday, January 12, 2007

been here, there and everywhere...

Current mood: contemplative

Since I last wrote I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions and states of well being... I lost a dear family member on New Years Day, been sick as a dog for the last couple days, got in trouble at work for following instructions (sounds stupid I know, but it's true), found out last week a friend of mine had a brain hemorhage (she's my age) and is in an medically induced coma...

I'm going through it right now... and the ride doesn't show signs of letting up...

But I'm maintaining... as best I can. I should just allow myself to cry, but I can't right now. Even at my auntie's funeral, I didn't cry, at least not the way I wanted to. My emotions got all jumbled and I didn't know which way I should or shouldn't react. So I shed a few tears silently. but I wanted to cry a river... I have to learn how to not be so damn stoic all the time. The thing is, I really don't mean to be, or even need to be. I just am. but with my child a few weeks away from making an appearance, I should be more open to the emotions I feel. I'm working on me...


Currently listening : Kingdom ComeBy Jay-Z
Release date: By 21 November, 2006

I have a crush on David Beckham... He has been making news for the past few weeks, he's coming to the US to play soccer...don't worry my husband knows and approves. He and I discussed our celebrity crushes.

He has three that he talks about all the time. Two of whom he describes as his "big girl" crushes: Jill Scott and Queen Latifah. Then there is Salma Hayak. Me I like TI, Maxwell and David.

But David is my white boy crush... I can dig him...There si just something about that man, that makes me smile when I see him.

The difference between David and my husband is: while they are both nice to look at, my husband gets me in a way I don't think David could. I like looking at David but he can't compare in any other way to my man.

Been trying to get my spritual life in order, I guess you can call it my resolution for 2007. I'm also going to spend more time with the family. Not just my immediate family, extended as well. I've been seen too little and less often by so many people in the past couple months, and have gotten cussed out because of it.

Spirit wise: I'm starting a new chapter in my life... motherhood... and If I didn't reach out to God before, now would be the most appropriate time... not that I'm sometime-ish with God, maybe sometime-ish with church, but not God. I say prayers all day. But I realized a long time ago if i start my day with God, the day tends to go smoothly. And if a bump arises it disapates quite easily without cause for discord or extreme emotional shifts. So I'm taking a few minutes each morning to prepare myself for the day with God. There are songs I listen to, and books that I read that get my mind in tune with God. So this year I will continue that every morning. With the birth of my child only 9 weeks away (Amen praise God!!!) I feel I need to be spritually cleansed and ready to accept this gift and the responsibility. I am not afraid, because I know all that I have been through with my pregnancy, this is just the next step in that journey.


Family: It's not that I've disappeared. Not that i've been selfish. I have been sick and I have been reclusive to a point, or maybe I should say homely. I love my family, immediate and extended, more than they know. But this year I will make a sincere effort to keep in touch more often. Send cards and emails, and pics and anything else to them. I enjoy being around my family, I like each one for my own reasons. Now it's time to appreciate them more.

2007 is going to be a busy year, but discipline will help me keep these two resolutions.

I went to Auntie W.B's funeral last evening. It was a sight to see. The church was packed from top to bottom. And this is no small place. I'm talking 1000+ people can fit in here. It was a touching event. She touched more lives than I think she even knew.

I didn't go to the casket. I stopped doing that a long time ago. She was and is so much more than the body that laid there, I couldn't let that image taint the person I remembered so full of life. So I said my goodbye from afar.

The family asked people to write down their memories of her on sheets of paper in the bulletin, they would use that to create a memory book. No doubt it will be filled with memories from so many people, it will swell into books of memories...

The pastor asked the attendies to stand if they had ever been to her home for after church lunch, more than 3/4 of the people stood up... two things were always true with her, very consistent as well, she greeted you witha hug and a kiss, and she would make sure you were always fed.

I told my husband when I die I didn't want a casket at my funeral, matter of fact I didn't want my body there. I don't want the last image anyone sees of me, not to look like me, or not to be me without a smile. And I didn't want anyone to wear black. It's not a time to dread my passing more like a time celebrate the time I was here. There will be tears, unfortunately. But I want smiles and laughter to drown that out...

Um... yeah sure ok...

When was it ever ok to walk around with hickeys on your neck? I was on the train this morning, there was a young man standing next to me, no more than maybe 15/16 yrs old. He had the sickest looking hickeys on his neck. Almost like they were a few hours old fresh... he saw people starring at him, but avted like he didn't care or really notice. My mother would have f-ed me up if I ever walked in her house looking like that.

I can honestly say I have had a hickey once in my life. It was my second trip home to see my b/f while I was in college. I didn't know it was there literally until I had left his house and went out to eat with my cousin. She noticed toward the end of dinner, and was like "What the hell is that on your neck?" I was like what, she pulled my hair back and sure enough there was a hickey the size of potato chip on my neck... She laughed so hard because she knew we had to go back to my house. If my mother had seen it, it was going to be over... she didn't see needless to say and I kept icing it all night, to no avail...

We left to go back to school the following day. Got back to the dorm and I swear everyone was looking for it. I got teased, but I was more embarassed than anything else... so unlady like...
so uncooth... swore i'd never have one again... I'll be 26 next month still hickeyless...

2007... somber beginnings...

Today I learned that a family member has passed on... It's not sitting well with me at all... I don't know how to deal with it really... Death is a part of life, but I have not found that coping mechanism in me as yet... I saw her in the hospital before the holidays. She didn't look like herself to me, it was hard on me mentally to see her like that the images stick with me, I don't want to remember her like that. I simply refuse to.

W.B. you fought hard, and remained strong throughout... your reward is waiting for you when you get there...