Kwanzaa... seven days to remember why we are here....

The word Kwanzaa is derived from the Swahili word meaning "first" or "first fruits of the harvest." Kwanzaa reflects the traditions of harvest festivals celebrated in many African countries, acknowledging the first fruits of the harvest, and the reward of family and friends working together to produce the season's crop.



Umoja (oo-MOH-JAH) -- Unity

Kujichagulia (koo-ji-chah-goo-LEE-ah) -- Self-determination

Ujima (oo-JEE-mah) -- Collective work and responsibility

Ujamma (oo-jah-MAH) -- Cooperative economics

Nia (NEE-ah) -- Purpose

Kuumba (koo-OO-mbah) -- Creativity

Imani (ee-MAH-nee) -- Faith

People Steal People

You know sometimes when you here something it sticks with you, and later in life you can apply the statement, even in a way it was not meant to be applied, yet its profound?

My cousin told me a story once about one of her visits to the grocery store. She said there was a little girl roaming around with no adult. A woman, the girls mother comes over and scolds the girl saying " What have I told you about walking away from me? Don't you know people steal people?"

At first it was funny to us. We used to joke about it all the time. But recently my mind took it the statement to another level.

People really do steal people, literally and figurativly. Child predators steal the very soul of the children they assault. Never realizing their urges cause the children to never become the full beings they were meant to be.The child never really regains their full self, they are destined to become only some semblence of their higher selves.

In recent years I have noticed that more and more people are willing to speak about their abuse, as a means of freeing themselves and helping other find the courage to do so as well. many talk shows have survivors on sharing their experiences. Oprah was the first to actually have a convicted predator as a guest. Many stars/celebs have come forward too lately, men and women... It is courageous and freeing, but it also shows the world how prevalent the abuse is.

I was 21 before i said anything out loud to anyone about my experience. Called my cousin up at 3am to tell her, only to have her say the same person that violated me did the same to her. It was a silence filled convo of complete shock and worry. We both wanted to know, if he could get to us, he could have had access to so many other people in our family immediate and extended.

She and I discussed our issues with what happened and the long lasting effects/affects of the abuse. It was a hard convo to have, but we both needed to have it at that moment. And from that day on I was free to be me. I felt like a burden had been lifted. I found it easier to talk about.Easier to be in my own skin...

It's a hard subject to speak about, but talking about it, frees you in a way you couldn't have imagined. But if you aren't ready to talk, don't feel obliged to. In due time you will, and maybe you wont. If you don't ever gain the courage to speak about it out loud, at least aknowledge it to yourself. But also tell yourself it wasn't your fault. That makes difference...

Ask why and tilt your head to the side...

I went to get lunch to day and as I was in the cross walk there was a young lady with a leash in her hand, I looked to see what type of dog it was, it so happened to be a Taco Bell dog (chihuahua). There was a little girl in a stroller behind them who asked her mom "Is that a real dog?" her mother said yes, the little girl asks "Does it run on batteries?" I had to laugh, I couldn't even help it... Because I would have asked the same thing at that age.

Why do people buy those dogs especially in this city. They are perfect targets for cabbies and delivery trucks... not to mention tall people who would step and smash one without feeling a damn thing... And why do they bring them on the train in their purses... its a dog, not a child people... geez

You haven't changed
still a wolf in sheeps clothing
that is to say maybe the devil in a saint suit... with matching shoes
Still onery ans surly
Still Belzebub's unknowing minion
You teeter between sane and insane in the same conversation
Bi-polar or maybe manic depressive
Saw you try to force croc tears to make me feel bad
Little did you know I would have laughed had they fallen
Not to be cruel
just knowing the false effort it took to get them out,
would have tickeled me to no end
how can you know love when you've never loved
be loved when you wont allow the intimacy of getting to know you
We'll keep the ten foot pole between us, I guarantee
I can smell the sulfer and brimstone from here don't worry...
But I digress...

6 degrees of separation

I watched a Primetime special the other night. It was quite interesting. It chose random people from different walks of life (race, occupation, age, gender) and asked them to locate someone in the same city they live in, whom they have never met. There were three test cases and each proved that it can take six or less contacts to reach anyone person. It was fascinating to say the leasst.


Just think who you could be connected to and not even know it...

As old/young as I am I have yet to understand the drive in people to retaliate, including myself. I can speak for myself in that, I have an urge to defend myself at all times. It has improved dramatically over the last year, but sometimes I feel it rising up in me, and I have sit still as to not do or say anything that will be hurtful to myself and others. Sometimes I cry because of the built up anger inside. Sometimes I just shut down and say absolutely nothing to anyone.

but some people go to the extremes of complete sabotage. I wonder what could have happened in peoples lives that make them so ready to hurt other people to the core? Or is it that they want other people to feel the pain and self loathing they feel themselves? Either way it is a sight to see...

I left my office for 45 min yesterday. When I came back, my director and one of the other department managers had been fired. To be completely honest I knew they were both on the way out. You can only get away so much, but for so long.

As word got around, we all found out 150 people got fired/let go yesterday. They called it "cutting the fat". It sucks to see grown people crying, especially those who you know had nothing else but this job. They've cut all the departments to skeletons of their former selves. They feel if you can perform at the same level as you did with 6 people, with only 3 or 4 people, why not. The timing is really bad though. The holidays are the worst time for this to happen. But this is how the cookie crumbles.