With the birth of my daughter I've been getting calls from friends, new and old. While I enjoy these conversations I find that all of them end up with that friend saying they can't believe I'm married and have a child. After hearing it from about 98% of people, I realized that it was more than growing older and reminiscing. Comments like they thought they'd be first, or or they didn't think it would happen for me.

I almost got offended. Well actually i am a little offended and I'm a little disheartend. I know I've had a few strike outs in love before getting married, but did they really make people rule out thhat it would ever happen for me? I mean damn, thanks for the hope people... But I also realized that part of it was my fault too. My pride kept me from being completely open with anyone. I was too afraid to appear volnerable to anyone, even those I attemped to be in "intimate" relationships with. So having those conversations about marriage and kids rarely happened, if at all with some of them... But I am married, and i am a mother...

So much for being the lonely childless friend...

And its over man...

Maternity leave for me is officially over as of Monday... i hate the idea of going back to work. Mainly because I have serious case of separation anxiety when it comes to my daughter. But really it makes no sense for me to go back to work. I have been railroaded to the point where at any time they can fire me with no real means. I have been made to look like an inadequate employee by my boss who used me as a scape goat for some issues my department had. Now when I enter that building my mind will be else where. But I have something or their asses anyway. I fully intend on going back and being on my grind. No socializing, no frequent trips away from my desk, no days off. Just going to work until they fire me or until they let us all go in october which ever comes first.

I hate that I have that to look forward to. but my child has to eat and have shelter...